Nightmare

Last night, suddenly a question just appeared in my head 

"What's your biggest fear ?" 

Everyone have a fear that live with them. Including me. Then, I tried to asked that question to some of my friends. Their answered are pretty same. 

“I’m afraid of losing someone I love”
“I’m afraid I’ll make my parents disappointed”
“I’m afraid I can’t be useful for other” 
 “I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned. People who I love will leave me”
“I’m afraid of death. Loneliness. Hell.” 
Et cetera. 

But, there are some people who just confused when I asked that questions, they can’t even  mentioned what’s their fearness. It’s sad truth. I think we should learn to know ourselves well.

And several people answered that question interestingly, 

A boy, said “I’m afraid of being forgotten. My passion in life, I want to live like Archiless. I want the world know that I ever live in this whole world. I often imagine, if I die and being nothing, will people ever know me?” 

A girl said, “My fear is my fearness itself. I’m fearing fear.  I’m afraid my fearness prevent me from doing many things.” 

Other girl said, “My fearness is Allah SWT.”

Well, what’s actually make us afraid?

Dr. Abigail Marsh, a mentor in the Departmenf of Psychology from Georgetown University explained that fearness is a anticipation from danger thay may happen. 

Our body have a sensitivity from certain threats. Our nerves send the signal to part of our brain named thalamus then to other part named amygdala. Amygdala will produce neurotransmitter, called glutamate, the compound behind fear. 

Well, feeling fear is neither abnormal nor a sign of weakness. The capacity to be afraid is part of normal brain function. So, feeling fear is normal, guys. 

Another interesting fact,

Past Experience Affect Our Fears

According to article published by BBC Science Focus, Professor Joanne Cantor said that the amygdala’s activation also connected to the hippocampus, where we store our memories, so that it can remind us to be afraid when we encounter the same threat again. 

We learn to be afraid of certain peope, places, or situations because of negative assosiations and past experiences. A near-drowning incident for example, may cause fear each time you get close to a body of water. 

My friend who said, “My biggest fear is betrayals” explained that what’s make she think like that is because her mother was betrayed by her husband and it leave such a big wounds for her as a daughter. 

But, How To Deal With Our Fears?

Well, my biggest fear is also pretty same with many of people, I’m afraid about my parents death. I just can’t imagine my life without them. But then, I realized that death is something that is certain to happen.  And it make me think, so what should I do to deal with my fear? 

Well, for me, in my  opinion, we should overcome it and understand it. 

Myself for example, if I feel fear about losing my parents, I should appreciate the time I could spend with both of them. I should try to make them happy. I should use my chance  while they are still with me in this world. And be a good girl so me and my family will reunite again in hereafter, at Allah’s heaven. 

Don’t let your fear prevent you from doing things that you truly want to or what you should do to. Otherwise, overcome your fears so the fear  don’t control you, but you control it. 

Then, we should understanding  our  fear. By understand it, we will accepting that fear is part of our lot as sentient beings is essential to our ability to generate hope and faith in our survival. 

I was read article in psychologytoday written by Dale M. Kushner, she gave a tips to more deeply understanding our fear: in a journal write a letter that begins, “Dear Fear. There is something I never told you…” You can write this in a list or as an actual letter. Don’t overthink. Just write. 

By the way, writing ourselves a letter is a good thing. I don’t know but I really enjoyed that. By the end of the year, I wrote  a letter for myself, to reflect what I’ve done and appreciate myself in that year. 

Well, everyone has fears – you can overcome your fears; you just need to learn how.  I will end this with a quote by Nelson Mandela, 

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but who conquers that fear.”